Yes, there are lots of dickheads in this world; I’m not going to argue that.
But still… there are so many people who long for kindness, warmth, and closeness… So why to close yourself off from potential relationships?
The point is, to experience a kind, warm and close relationship, you need to open up again. You need to expose your ‘soft belly’. And then–yes!–you risk being hurt again. Again! But you can’t get emotional intimacy without letting your guard down.
It’s a bit of a vicious circle, a catch-22. To connect, you need to bare your soul. If you do that, someone may hurt you. It’s a risk. Unfortunately, you can’t do that in a perfectly safe way since relationships don’t come with money-back guarantees, or any type of guarantee for that matter.
For some time after my breakup I talked to other people a lot, both online and in real life. I was so very curious to know how people felt about divorcing. How did they cope? I was very surprised when I discovered how they longed for tenderness! And even more for someone dear!
Someone told me how he misses the warmth of a body next to him while he’s sleeping. Someone else said how scared she was now, and another person showed me his paintings. I realized how many people are desperate for the same thing I was.
They longed to trust, feel safe and accepted, and be special to someone.
All these soft feelings get hidden behind fear, insecurity, and bitterness after a breakup.
We all feel it in such similar ways; human beings are so alike in how we miss love, acceptance and warmth. It’s not just you. There are hundred of thousands of people like you. And all of them are afraid.
To open up, you need to be ready. Ready to give some degree of trust, even if it’s just a little bit.
But first, you need to get stronger. Let yourself recover. Search for the support you need within yourself. Then learn to trust yourself and your judgement, and believe that you will know if a person is worth your time and feelings.
And then, even if you get it wrong, it won’t be the end of the world. Just another experience. No drama.
P.S. By the way, divorce is often like a trampoline; just one jump can take you to a much higher place–a greater life. I know it’s a cliche, but it’s the truth. Paradoxically, hitting rock bottom is quite a good start.
P.P.S. There are plenty of warm people around us. We might not see them, meet them, or believe them, though. It’s as if we live in parallel worlds, ships passing in the night. Maybe reaching out to them is not something you’d like to deal with today. That’s okay.
‘Clean up’ your heart first. Make some room. Take care of yourself.
So what’s the one thing you may start with now?
Start with switching your mindset for a happier one. Simple, fast and it works. Oh, and it’s free. Check a ‘how to’ here.